Is it Ever a Good Idea to Give Your Boss Feedback?
If you’ve ever wrestled with whether or not to give your boss feedback, you’re not alone. Some experts will tell you absolutely not—that it’s career suicide. Others insist yes, you should speak up—that feedback is essential for a healthy workplace.
I say: It depends.
The truth is, not every leader is open to feedback. Some leaders invite it. Others tolerate it. And a few see it as a threat. The key to knowing when (and how) to give feedback is understanding your boss’s level of emotional intelligence and relational health.
Start With a Growth Mindset (Yours and Theirs)
In the Townsend Leadership Model, we believe that growth happens in the context of safe, honest, grace-filled relationships. That means we don’t offer feedback as a way to vent or criticize, but to build trust, foster clarity, and support growth—for both sides.
Before you speak up, ask yourself:
Does my boss have a growth mindset?
Is this someone who welcomes truth—even when it’s uncomfortable?
Am I giving this feedback from a place of care, not control?
If the answer is yes, you’re likely dealing with an open-minded, emotionally intelligent leader.
How to Give Feedback to an Open-Minded Boss
When your boss values authenticity and growth, feedback can be a gift. Here’s how to do it well:
Ask for permission first. “Would you be open to some feedback about that project meeting?”
Let them know you are FOR them. "I want you to know that I am for you. I'm on your team."
Speak from your experience. “When you called on me last-minute, I felt unprepared and wish I’d had more time to contribute meaningfully.”
Frame it with care and respect. “I know you value strong participation—that’s why I wanted to share this perspective.”
End with partnership. “Would it help if I sent you an outline ahead of time next week?”
This approach uses what Dr. John Townsend calls grace and truth: grace that conveys empathy and connection, and truth that brings clarity and accountability.
What About a Boss With a Big Ego?
Let’s be honest—some leaders aren’t ready for feedback, at least not the kind that challenges them. If your boss has a big ego, is defensive, or lacks emotional awareness, you need a different strategy.
Choose timing carefully. Never in public, and not in the heat of the moment.
Lead up, don’t push up. Use curiosity instead of correction. For example:
“I noticed the team seemed quiet after that meeting—how did you feel it went?”Affirm what’s working. People with big yet often fragile egos need to feel safe before they can hear truth.
“You did a great job motivating us to meet the deadline. I wonder if we could adjust the tone a bit next time to keep engagement high.”
This keeps the focus on outcomes and relationships—not personality.
When Feedback Isn’t Safe
If you’ve tried these approaches and your boss reacts with anger, blame, or withdrawal, it’s time to re-evaluate. In the Townsend Model, we call this a boundary moment. You can’t control your boss’s growth, but you can choose how you show up.
Your options may include:
Seeking support or coaching from HR or a mentor.
Setting limits on your exposure to volatile interactions.
Focusing on your own growth and influence, regardless of their response.
Remember: You can lead up, but you can’t rescue up.
Final Thoughts
Giving feedback to your boss is a nuanced leadership skill. It takes wisdom, emotional maturity, and courage. Whether your boss is open or resistant, your job is to stay grounded in grace and truth—communicating honestly while maintaining respect and boundaries.
Because great leadership isn’t about power—it’s about partnership.
Ready to Grow as a Leader?
If this topic resonates with you, you might be ready for deeper growth. In the Townsend Leadership Program, we focus on developing the kind of character, relational skills, and emotional intelligence that allow you to both give and receive feedback with confidence and grace.
Each TLP group is carefully curated to bring together the right blend of leaders who will be learning, growing, and supporting one another for an entire year. It’s a transformative experience—not just professionally, but personally as well.
The next TLP Groups begin in Spring 2026, and I’m currently meeting with potential participants to see if it’s the right fit. If you’d like to learn more or schedule a short discovery conversation, I’d love to connect.
