The Orange-Slicing Solution: 7 Conflict Management Techniques Every Manager Should Know

If you’re planting a garden, you’re signing yourself up for months of hard work. If you’re in an interview, you’re presenting a sales pitch on yourself. If you manage people, you manage conflict.

There’s no version of leadership free of conflict, road bumps, and reasons to throw your hands up out of frustration.

Gallup's 2026 State of the Global Workplace report found that global employee engagement has hit its lowest point since the pandemic, and manager engagement has taken the hardest hit of all. It dropped nine points since 2022, with the steepest single-year decline falling between 2024 and 2025. Managers used to be more engaged than the people they led. That gap has closed. Why? It might just be unresolved conflict.

But here’s the good news: conflict resolution isn’t an innate skill that some managers have but others lack. Like many things, it’s a set of learnable techniques. Here are seven moves I recommend for your next conflict.

1. Don’t wait.

A lot of managers think, “it’ll get better,” or “they will work it out on their own.” They hope the tension resolves itself, and they don’t want to seem like they’re overreacting to something that isn’t that big of a deal.

SHRM's guidance to HR leaders is clear on how this should be handled: organizations that encourage managers to regularly address conflict, early on, see better outcomes than those that leave it alone.

Small, early conversations about something that’s small are much easier than big, probably-too-late conversations. If you notice something isn’t right, say something that week, not next month. 

2. Understand first. Respond second.

While it may seem like a soft skill, active listening is one of the most valuable ones a leader can have, especially during conflict. Give your team your full attention, without distractions, and resist the urge to plan your response before they’ve stopped talking. Nod while they speak, reflect back what they’ve just told you, and let them fully finish their thought before you jump in. 

This isn’t just being nice or polite to your team. It’s strategic, too. People de-escalate when they feel heard, and you need to know the full problem before you can offer any real solutions.

3. Separate the person from the problem.

When conflict comes from one person, it’s easy to view them as “difficult.” Resist that notion. As soon as you make conflict about someone’s character rather than a behavior or position in a high-stress situation, you’re making the conflict much harder to solve.

Remember to ask yourself, “Am I frustrated with this person, or with this situation?” Most of the time, it’s the situation. Make sure you treat it that way out loud, too.

4. What do they really need?

Two people rarely start arguing about what they actually need. Usually, they’re fighting over a solution they decided was the best. 

An example: two chefs say they both need an orange, but there’s only one available. Split it down the middle, and they are likely not happy with the solution, but can accept it. But when you stop to ask why they need an orange, you might find out that one just needs the zest and the other just needs the juice. By stopping to evaluate the situation, everyone can walk away with what they actually want.

When mediating, don’t just ask what each person wants. Ask what they really need, and what they are trying to accomplish. The real solution is often easier than it sounds at the start.

5. Being neutral doesn’t mean being silent.

You might think that staying neutral means that you’re going to just stay out of it, but that’s not the case. Staying neutral means actively understanding what both sides need, want, and why, without picking a favorite or letting your own thoughts color how you help mediate. Showing favoritism, even when you don’t mean to, is one of the fastest ways to lose trust and make the conflict worse than it was. Lean on facts, not opinions, when you’re helping two parties work through something.

6. It’s the behavior, not the person.

There is a difference between “you missed a deadline” and “you’re unreliable.” The first thing is a behavior that can be different the next time around, whereas the characteristic of “unreliable” is practically an insult. Keep feedback specific to the behavior, not the person, and make sure it’s clearly tied to what happened — not who did it. 

This can help avoid heightening emotions while working through a difficult conversation. 

7. Always follow up.

A resolution that’s reached isn’t the finish line. While the immediate tension is gone, it’s probably not actually resolved. Make sure to check in a week or two later. Ask if things are going better or if there have been any bumps on the way. Reinforce the agreement you reached together.

Conflict has a way of quietly reappearing when you’re not looking, and a quick follow up conversation can help ensure it stays gone for good.

 Let’s be honest — none of these techniques require training or a certification to grasp. They do require practice, and a willingness to have uncomfortable conversations to help your team grow through it, not around it.

 If your team’s conflicts feel complex, keep resurfacing, or simply never reach a resolution, it’s not a sign you’re failing. It means the issue is running deeper than any one manager can solve alone. That’s the kind of work I tackle with my clients, whether it's one-on-one executive coaching, the Townsend Leadership Program, or the E4 Program.

Let’s connect if you’re tired of the same problems never resolving or feel like there’s something more at play than just a disagreement over slicing an orange in half. Let’s dig into what’s driving the friction on your team, before it costs you their morale, or worse, their spot on your team.